God: The Interview Read online

an insult! YOU are not far from the Kingdom of Hell!” And I laugh again.

  01.08.29

  ME: Welcome back. I am talking with God. Yes, this person in the fancy dress claims he is Jesus Christ—Do you expect people to ask you to be their Saviour tonight? Are you going to have an altar rail appeal and they’ll ask you into their heart wearing clothes like that—?

  GOD: Many will put their trust in me after tonight. Many.

  ME: The power of positive thinking, eh?

  GOD: “Come to me all you who are weary and laden with heavy burdens and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me for my yoke is easy, my burden is light—”

  ME: I think Jesus Christ said that.

  GOD: I am Jesus Christ.

  ME: Don’t say such things while I’m this close to you! The thunderbolt might hit both of us.

  GOD: Fear not! There will be no thunderbolt.

  ME: Someone has sent in this comment: “One plus one plus one equals three and there’s nothing you can do to change that. According to you there are three Gods—” This Trinity thing again—

  GOD: Listen, you can’t get anything bigger than infinity. We three are all infinite. One infinity plus one infinity plus one infinity equals one infinity. We infinite three are infinite one.

  ME: Well that’s as clear as mud. Here’s another viewer question: If God has the power to stop murders but doesn’t, then He doesn’t care. If He DOES care and wants to, then He doesn’t have the power—

  GOD: I DO have the power and I DO care. And I stop much more than you know. What I DON’T have is the moral right to stop a great deal more. I wish I could but I can’t—

  ME: We’ve just been through this but tell us again: What stops you?

  GOD: You do. You humans. If you asked me, I’d come. But you don’t ask me anywhere near enough. If you really wanted me, I would be there for you. But you are so half-hearted—

  ME: You’re talking about prayer. Everybody has asked for all kinds of good things and you don’t even listen to us—

  GOD: I listen! I hear everything! But I told you to pray without ceasing, to ask and keep on asking and never give up. But do you? No. Very rarely. I can do nothing without your prayers. I haven’t got the moral right to act—

  ME: That is unbelievable! God can do anything He wants to!

  GOD: No He can’t! I would if I could but I can’t!

  ME: I can hear all our viewers shouting at their tellies: Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Lies! Lies!

  GOD: I cannot and will not turn the human race into puppets! You will reap what you sow! I will not stop consequences! What you give you will get back in return. I won’t change the inevitability of results initiated by your actions!

  ME: A nice God would!

  GOD: But I do intervene and often. As often as I am sincerely and effectively asked until the blessing is received, so long as it is not self-centred praying. I don’t give to selfish people. But I give and prevent and bless far far more times than the human race has even guessed at! But is my will done on earth as it is in Heaven? You have eyes—use them! This world is nothing like I want it! You humans have wilfully wrecked it almost beyond recognition—

  ME: So I guess God is green?

  GOD: I created nature—yes. My design. My life.

  ME: You blame all evil on Satan, don’t you? Then why don’t you just kill Satan and let us humans be?

  GOD: I’ve dealt with this—

  ME: Thousands of new listeners?

  GOD: Does your nation’s leader kill the leader of his opposition? What would you call him if he did? How long would you allow him to continue ruling? He would have lost all moral right to rule, right? Then why do you ask me to expunge all my opposition? I will only ever do what is right! I will suffer the consequences. I do now.

  ME: And so do we, obviously. Why on earth did you create the Devil in the first place? I presume you made him—?

  GOD: I created him perfect. I called him Lucifer, the light bearer. He was perfect in all his ways till sin was found in him.

  ME: I presume you foresaw he would fall? Why create him at all then?

  GOD: I have already stated that God must do everything is good. It is good to create, so I must create.

  ME: But only good things—

  GOD: Of course.

  ME: Tell the thousands of new viewers why you had to create.

  GOD: This is what I forsaw before I created myself the perfection of perfection—that a perfect God would have to create, and have to create perfectly, create up to the level of his perfection—that is, beings only a little less majestic than himself. Lucifer, Michael, Gabriel stood at the peak of my creativity.

  ME: Angels.

  GOD: Archangels.

  ME: Aren’t these human terms? I presume you have another name for them in Heaven?

  GOD: We do. But I’m speaking human to humans.

  ME: And not Biblical human, either. If you REALLY wanted to play God, a few thees and thous wouldn’t hurt, and the odd wouldest and shouldest.

  GOD: Why? I’m not talking to a 17th century audience. I wish to be understood.

  ME: Fair enough, but you don’t sound authentic. A few thees and thous and you almost would.

  GOD: I’ll take the risk.

  ME: And why don’t you quote lots of Bible? If you really WERE God you would quote nothing but.

  GOD: I have already had my Scriptures written. Now I am explaining them. So you would like me to change?

  ME: Heavens no! No, I’m not complaining—But aren’t you miserable all the time? Looking down on earth and seeing all these children dying in agony and being able to do nothing about it?

  GOD: I save far more than the world can guess. But yes, I am in constant agony and constant bliss at one and the same time.

  ME: You’re schizophrenic?

  GOD: I am huge. I am bigger than your Universe. I exist and operate on millions of levels. On one level I am weeping day and night. Another aspect of me has known nothing but blssful joy. You cannot even begin to know me in depth. I have spoken to you in terms of a human life but even then you destroyed me.

  ME: I thought we were about to.

  GOD: No, from the foundation of the world you already did.

  ME: Not me personally, as—

  GOD: Yes, you personally. And everyone else who ever lived or is going to live.

  ME: Ah, the mysterious mumbo-jumbo hour again! To be expected, I guess. You were talking of angels.

  GOD: Angels—yes. Real live beings. Real personalities. Free-will deciding and choosing entities who may or may not wish to do what you want.

  ME: With pretty white wings and haloes? Look, I’ve got a sheaf of questions from viewers I’ve only had time to glance at—but no one thinks you’re God.

  GOD: I’m used to that. Many will change their minds.

  ME: What will change them?

  GOD: Healings. Deeds shout louder than words. There are people in wheelchairs tonight who tomorrow won’t be—

  ME: Hey hey hey—we’re a respectable station! We can’t allow you to dish out false hopes like that!

  GOD: They are not false.

  ME: This person doesn’t believe you were morally right to create the Devil. She thinks you should destroy him, and so do I.

  GOD: One day I will. Besides, I didn’t create Satan. I created a perfect and wonderful and beautiful being called Lucifer. And he decided of his own free will to become Satan.

  ME: You’re splitting hairs—

  GOD: Would you have had me create the greatest angel with no freewill? No ability to choose? What kind of a God would do that?

  ME: A kind God would do that! This viewer asks “Why is moral right so important? God always does what is right. If you were to erase Satan and all his followers and take evil out of the world, all the world would cheer— ”

  GOD: Well, there’s the answer in the question. God always does what is right. Is it right for me to ignore a third of my angels and wipe them out for
disagreeing with me? Is that morally right?

  ME: Many of us would think so—Another viewer asks why you let her baby die and in such great pain. There are several along that line—

  GOD: If I had my way, no one would die. But I don’t have my way. You all choose Satan over me—

  ME: Oh we do not! That’s nonsense!

  GOD: You don’t realise you’re doing it. You call it freedom, and the right to choose, and democracy. What what they all boil down to is a life lived without me just as Satan lives his life without me. You do what YOU want to do just as HE does what HE wants to do. Except for a wonderful few, you humans do NOT want to live your lives for me. You want to live your lives for you. So does Satan. You value HIS values, not mine. And you reap the result in murders and crime and wars and death and pain—

  ME: Another three—four—viewers want to know why you’re dressed so crazily—he’s on his way to Jerusalem, dear. Two thousand years ago. Don’t ask me, ask Einstein, and you won’t get a straight answer from God—maybe Captain Kirk of Star Trek—

  GOD: You want me to talk about Time again?

  ME: No thanks. This is a good one: “As Almighty God, you must have foreseen trouble when you created the angels?”

  GOD: Of course I did. It was inevitable. Listen, like me, my home